Ximending, Taiwan
Have you ever asked yourself "am I happy right now?" Because lately, this question has been in my head and it's driven me crazy. If you follow The Equinox Fashion Instagram @thequinoxfashion, you may notice that I don't post regular as usual. Why? Not only I've taken Instagram as the creativity platform to show my style and 'voice' But I also don't have a proper time anymore. Currently working as a branding and marketing consultant of my own, I work 7 days a week, non-stop...Being my own boss is not easy as I thought it was supposed to be, however, I love the challenge. Everyday, my pressure goes up, and doesn't seem to stop. To the point that I think working too much is killing me inside-out.
I have had an issue of joint dysfunction, which got me going to the physical for other 6 weeks straight, therefore I can't walk or do stuff as fast as I was. Plus, my work is relates to more than 5 social media handles,including marketing work to increase more sales. I don't know about you, but if I can complete the goal, it burns me out deeply. Lately, the sales have dropped, and I've been trying to figuring out the new strategy, which no matter how hard I try, the result is still the same...
I kept everything inside my chest, and it was killing me softly day by day. I felt like carrying a heavy weight on my shoulders, and just didn't want to give it to others, as I thought I could handle, yet I couldn't. I didn't realize how all of these weights secretly ate me alive. The way I spoke to others, the words I used were pretty much disgusting. My patience level was so low that I chose not to tolerate with anything.
However, my eyes were opened when I was to lose something so precious that I might not be able to find anywhere else. The pressure I had inside was affecting me when I spoke. All of the words I said hurt the feelings with no intention. That's why I've decided to be more opened from now on. I thought I was opened enough, but that wasn't even closed to the word 'open' at all. I shut myself down for years. I hid my true feelings. I only did what I could to make people happy, without considering how I felt. I numbed all of my feelings inside just to avoid the reality. I ran away from myself so that I could live by. "Just numb it" said to myself.
I want to destroy all my walls down, and I will. I wanna be happy like everyone else. I want to let a certain people in my life with no hidden feelings. And I try my best to let myself out again.
